The Key to Respect: It's Not What You Think
Happy Birthday to me.
Firmly in my thirties now and still don't feel a day older than 45.
I've never felt my age and I always looked forward to packing on the years. Not because I was impatient to eat candy for dinner or leave on all the lights in the house. No, I wanted something far more valuable.
You see, I had this strange notion that respect is a gift that comes with age. Age was the key to entering a world of people who would be your equals. When you put your key in the lock and turn the knob, you listen to and respect those behind that sacred door as much as they listen to and respect you.
So each year, on my birthday, for many years, I waited with hand outstretched - eager to receive my "key".
Surely at 18, 20, 21, 26, 30...
And then I discovered it. The hard truth. Respect doesn't come with age. There is no key.
For a time, I confess, I despaired. Not because I wanted people to think well of me but because I desperately needed people to listen. When life gives you a swift kick, followed by an all-out beating, and you need help, respect changes from something it would be nice to have to something as precious as water in a desert. If you are not respected, chances are you will not be helped. It may not be right, it may not be kind, but it is true.
Often, we'd like to think that respect can be earned - and that can be true. We can do much to earn respect. We can be responsible drivers and obey the rules of the road. We can strive to work hard and do well at our jobs. We can be diligent with our money and not get into debt. We can do all those things and that still doesn't mean respect will be given to us.
Respect can be earned for sure. It can be real and valuable. It can also be incredibly cheap. It can be handed out the moment we lay eyes on a person, or even before. It can be withheld just as easily. Maybe there was a rumor, someone smelt weird or they smiled wrong. Don't you remember a time you've met someone that you already thought well or ill of? I have. I gave out or withheld my respect for that person without a thought to their age or ability to earn it. My respect was cheap, and cheaply given. It wasn't up to that person at all - it was up to my preconceptions.
And then the rain came, and I thought to myself, people will listen, people will help. I'm an adult and I follow the rules. Quickly it became clear that it wasn't enough. Someone had an interest in me not being respected - and since they were, it was easy enough to make sure of it. I wish I could say it took convincing - but in reality, what respect I thought I had dropped away more quickly than I could blink.
And then they stopped listening. They stopped helping.
Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about that. What I can do is refuse to harm others by doing the same. I can count respect as precious, and bestow it where it is deserved.
And fortunately, regardless of the past, I have the very best of love and respect from the very best people in my life. Given and received with joy and generosity on a daily basis.
So, yes, a very Happy Birthday to me.
Firmly in my thirties now and still don't feel a day older than 45.
I've never felt my age and I always looked forward to packing on the years. Not because I was impatient to eat candy for dinner or leave on all the lights in the house. No, I wanted something far more valuable.
You see, I had this strange notion that respect is a gift that comes with age. Age was the key to entering a world of people who would be your equals. When you put your key in the lock and turn the knob, you listen to and respect those behind that sacred door as much as they listen to and respect you.
So each year, on my birthday, for many years, I waited with hand outstretched - eager to receive my "key".Surely at 18, 20, 21, 26, 30...
And then I discovered it. The hard truth. Respect doesn't come with age. There is no key.
For a time, I confess, I despaired. Not because I wanted people to think well of me but because I desperately needed people to listen. When life gives you a swift kick, followed by an all-out beating, and you need help, respect changes from something it would be nice to have to something as precious as water in a desert. If you are not respected, chances are you will not be helped. It may not be right, it may not be kind, but it is true.
Often, we'd like to think that respect can be earned - and that can be true. We can do much to earn respect. We can be responsible drivers and obey the rules of the road. We can strive to work hard and do well at our jobs. We can be diligent with our money and not get into debt. We can do all those things and that still doesn't mean respect will be given to us.
Respect can be earned for sure. It can be real and valuable. It can also be incredibly cheap. It can be handed out the moment we lay eyes on a person, or even before. It can be withheld just as easily. Maybe there was a rumor, someone smelt weird or they smiled wrong. Don't you remember a time you've met someone that you already thought well or ill of? I have. I gave out or withheld my respect for that person without a thought to their age or ability to earn it. My respect was cheap, and cheaply given. It wasn't up to that person at all - it was up to my preconceptions.
And then the rain came, and I thought to myself, people will listen, people will help. I'm an adult and I follow the rules. Quickly it became clear that it wasn't enough. Someone had an interest in me not being respected - and since they were, it was easy enough to make sure of it. I wish I could say it took convincing - but in reality, what respect I thought I had dropped away more quickly than I could blink.
And then they stopped listening. They stopped helping.
Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about that. What I can do is refuse to harm others by doing the same. I can count respect as precious, and bestow it where it is deserved.
And fortunately, regardless of the past, I have the very best of love and respect from the very best people in my life. Given and received with joy and generosity on a daily basis.
So, yes, a very Happy Birthday to me.
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